Conflict Resolution Letter

The lost art of writing can change your life through a powerful and effective Conflict Resolution Letter

  • Are you at your wit’s end with someone in your life? Do you have an unresolved issue with them that you KNOW you can’t talk to them about? What do you do?

Write a powerful and effective letter! It’s an excellent opportunity to communicate your feelings, send a clear and direct message, get your point across, and resolve the conflict, or just get closure.

  • Are you afraid to write it, know you have to, but don’t know what to say or how to get your point across?

I can help you get your message across and be heard, which might mean opening the lines of communication, or in some cases, closing them – it’s all up to you.

  • Are you lacking guidance and a specific strategy to write a clear, direct message that doesn’t minimize your feelings, gets your point across, while not attacking the recipient of the letter? That’s the tricky part.

My background as an argument and conflict resolution expert and relationship therapist allows me to efficiently remove the trickiness from this process and create a clear message that will get your point across, without attacking, and without putting the recipient on the defensive.

  • Don’t know where to start?

I have just the strategy and solution to help you write this important letter to anyone – your mom, dad, child, boss, lover, friend, neighbor, or spouse…anyone.

What is the purpose?

I edited a letter that was written by a mother to her estranged daughter. Because their lines of communication had completely shut down, and her daughter’s birthday was approaching, she nevertheless wanted to acknowledge her daughter’s birthday and communicate her perception of their estrangement. The mother didn’t want to put her daughter on the defensive or accuse her of anything; she just wanted an uninterrupted way to express her feelings to her daughter, with no preconceived agenda. In order to do this, I asked the mother to prepare a letter stating all of her feelings, without censoring her text. That was my job. The end result, due to my work, was that her message was direct, heartfelt, truthful, yet not attacking and condescending.

You’re probably wondering what was the eventual outcome of this letter? The mother was able to have closure, which was a huge relief. This left her one less, unfinished piece of business that she had to carry around.

The importance and purpose of writing such a letter is that it gives you, the writer, the power to tie up loose ends and helps you move on from a situation that’s been nagging and pulling at you for a long time. By writing a letter, you’ve taken action.

Why hire me instead of just writing it yourself?

As a Conflict Resolution and Affairs Expert, and Marriage and Family Therapist from Santa Rosa, California, I’ve had over 28 years of experience helping people resolve their relationship issues because of unresolved conflict. My ear is tuned into hearing the judgmental and loaded words in a letter that will automatically put the receiver on the defensive, rendering them unable to hear the message that is being written. If written incorrectly, the recipient will most likely counter with an attack, responding with their own set of loaded words. Because there is so much negative charge in any form of verbal communication, a written communication allows you to take your pen in hand, write your letter, get your point across, and be heard. It’s a safer form of communication. Writing does not enhance the conflict – it deflates it or resolves it. Sometimes the only way to resolve conflict is through a letter!

Remember, your main goal in any form of communication is to write your truth in such a way that the other person hears you and can comment on it, not out of defensiveness, but out of honesty and from the heart. As is demonstrated in my book, Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy, [hot link to book] through use of my three-step process, the First Argument Technique, there is a distinct way to communicate that will make your message direct, heartfelt, truthful, without attacking and sounding condescending.

How does it work?

1. We’ll discuss a brief history of the relationship, as well as the issue and desired outcome of the letter. What message do you want to get across? What is your bottom line? What is the purpose of the letter?

2. I’ll then ask you to write your letter, expressing all the feelings that you’ve felt and have wanted to say. This is where you’ll see ANYTHING you want to – without censoring your feelings. This is the “no holds barred” part of the letter. You don’t have to hold anything back. Get all your thoughts and feelings out, don’t edit. Just write.

3. Next, I’ll carefully edit the first draft of your letter by using the best language that will get your message across without compromising your feelings.

4. You will then review my edited version, and together, we will review the final version before it’s sent.

Remember, one letter is all it takes.

The Reward?

Not only will you benefit from the expertise of my 28 years as a conflict resolution expert and relationship therapist, but you’ll come away with a new way of delivering a powerful message that goes right to the heart of the matter without offending anyone. This valuable communication skill will stay with you long after you’ve sent the letter, and you’ll never look at conflict in the same way again. As you change your language, you’ll create more success in your life.

Throughout history, letters have documented and told the stories of people’s lives. Use this lost art to write a letter that you and your recipient will never forget.